A Terrible Thing to Waste

I realized something the other day. I have stopped having dreams. Up until just a few days ago every night when i went to bed i would have wild and prolific dreams. Many of the dreams were disturbing, some were passionate, and a few were so profound that i still remember them clearly now as tho it had just happened.

I suppose that some might say that i simply got whatever it was, out of my system.

I am curious to wonder what had prompted this rather extreme activity in my subconscious over the past few months; only to have it completely cease unexpectedly. I find myself missing the nightly adventures terribly. I wake in the morning now feeling tired and soar, as if i never went to bed in the first place.

All Quiet on The Western Front

The weekend was quiet and uneventful. Good, because I really wasn’t feeling up to going to the club. Getting crammed into a smelly sweaty room with loud music just did not sound like too much fun. So I did the next best thing.

Nothing! I didn’t do anything. I laid around the house watching TV and playing video games. I took my Vampire thief to the pale pass and fought the undead Akaviri soldiers guarding the Draconian Madstone.

Using my mastery of sneak and expert aim with my bow I fired round after round cutting their brittle bones apart. They never knew what hit them.

I returned to the Countess of Bruma with the madstone in hand. After a hearty thanks and hefty reward I bade farewell to the court and made my way back to my home. Dawn was approaching and I needed to find shelter.

The rest of the weekend was spent cleaning and organizing. I vacuumed the floors and scrubbed the bathroom. I dusted and washed the windows and mirrors. I burnt some incesnse and lit some candles to help purify the air of bad energy that had collected.

This being the optional step in the cleaning process as most people don’t sense it. However, it drives me crazy and is essential for me. You could say was physical and spiritual cleansing this weekend.

Ain't Technology Grand

After reading a rather provocative post on slash dot about how technically backward the US wireless phone system has fallen far behind Asian and European wireless providers I started thinking, am I getting what I pay for? While the average American pays somewhere between $50-100 in monthly charges for basic telephone service; in Japan you can get a wireless plan that includes a full range of multi-media, and oh yeah you can make calls too for around $40 a month.

The article got me to thinking about what I use my phone for. Sure it makes calls and sends text messages. Until recently I only used it for phone calls, like most people. However after working all summer at my internship I have come to rely heavily on text messaging as well.

The more I think about it, the more I wished that my phone would do more for me. Then I start to wonder, “Man wouldn’t it be nice to have an iPhone”. But that is just excessive. I cannot and will not spend $600 on a phone no matter now deliciously pretty and feature full.

But what is so astounding is that kids in Europe and Asia have been using phones with web surfing and email for years, and the real kicker is that they pay a fraction for all that functionality than what Americans pay for basic service!

There is simply no competition in the wireless phone industry in America to push innovation and expansion of the mobile network. So, I started hunting for a new provider. My current provider, Sprint, works well enough, but I am a geek and by nature when I see new emerging technology I must investigate, sometimes even at personnel risk.

A friend of mine told me that he is switching his service over to Helio. They supposedly offer phones and services that allow you to email, text, surf, blog, and chat, as well as make calls all from your phone and what is best, they are all unlimited. Accept for call minutes, all other multi-media usage is unlimited! Neat!

My friend should be getting his new phone either this week or next so I am anxious to see what it is like. If you are interested in checking them out take a look at their website www.helio.com .

Two Weeks And Counting

It’s always something. I am trying to register for classes and the one class that is left standing in my way of graduation is full. Statistics, I hate statistics! I was never good at math and i blame the Michigan State University Core math program!

I am a reasonably intelligent person and my chosen career field it is very useful to have an analytical mind. Those same traits i would expect to help me in math. Apparently not. However, all of this stewing and brooding is pointless since all sections of the class are full at the moment. I fully intend to contact the professors to explain my situation and see if they would be willing to overload one of their sections to allow me to enroll.

I still need to talk to the university about my financial aid status and to finish my student loan applications. So i have plenty to do in the meanwhile.

Two weeks left. I am only two weeks from my departure from Key West back to the Midwest. I didn't realize this until last night when i was asked when i was leaving. It came as a bit of shock that the date was creeping up so fast. Creeping, I suppose, is an inappropriate word to use; more like racing up on me. thats it, no more coffee for today.

Short of Time

Decisions are easy to make. Following through, now that’s the hard part. I think now I truly understand Thomas Edison’s famous statement that invention is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration.

Following my decision to come back to MI for one last semester I have been working feverishly to get things in order for my return. I resigned my lease, began signing up for classes (a trauma of its own), and started looking for good deals on books.

Then, I realized that I need to write my experience report on my experiences during the internship. That is due Friday. So I had to switch gears and begin writing that yesterday. At this point I am a little over 1/3 complete with the report. At first it seemed really easy and straight forward, but the more a worked on it the more I realized that I had so much to say in response to each question that it is turning into a thesis paper on working for my company.

I am still happy with my decision to come back home, and I am excited to be doing so. I can’t wait to see my old friends again, and to come home to my apartment. There are so many things I want to do before school starts. I want to swim in the Bays, have a beach fire, go to the bar, visit with friends, and of course play with my kitty! I miss her so much!

Time to get back to work, there is so much to do and so little time.

p.s.—I would really like to go ghost hunting again. I haven’t done that in a long time. A good scare is good for the heart.

The Game Plan

Here is the plan as it stands. I will be flying into Detroit on August 9th at some point. I will spend a few days with my friends there and then move on to Lansing to visit with the Father unit and brother. Then i will get a vehicle and continue my journey to Grand Rapids where i will offload most of my stuff back at my apartment. finally, i will make the final leg of my trip back up to Traverse City. I expect to be in TC by that Saturday. Excited yet? Ya know i am!

Engage!

Now that the big decision has been made, its time to take care of business, so to speak. Since the Tuesday meeting where i decided that I will come home to take another semester of classes I have been extremely busy. I resigned the lease on my apartment late Wednesday afternoon; locking myself into another six month contract with my complex. I don't really mind, honestly. They are good people, and it is really a nice place to live.

I sent numerous emails to my adviser and to my coordinator asking for information about my current standing as well as help deciding which classes were still available to sign up for. Getting my class schedule is proving to be a real pain because Grand Valley just switched over to the Banner system this summer and they are still working out the bugs. I have been locked out of all business classes because of my major. Yeah, the system isn't perfect.

I am also applying for student loans and other financial aid. Thankfully, most banks recognize the value in investing in education so this should actually be an easy task. Paying them all back afterwards, thats going to be hard.

TGIF. I need a drink. I have not been this busy since exam week in April. However, its good to have direction again. I feel productive. Life is still good.

Poker Night

Since i came to Key West I have been lucky enough to find a few friends that i have grown fairly close to. After two months of clubbing and hitting the bars at least two to three times a week i was already getting tired of it.

I enjoy the club scene still, but in moderation. I know some of you club goers disagree but for me it is something that i can only do once in a while. Being in such close proximity to so many horny people and mixed with alcohol is a recipe for an anxiety attack for me.

Anyways, back to the good news! Tonight was poker night. Once a week some of us get together and have a friendly game of poker. Nothing too fancy or competitive, we only play with quarters so a typical evening of fun can be had for about five dollars.

Tonight was my night. Our table was smaller than normal, only five of us for the majority of the evening but i was able to someone bluff my way from the $5.75 at the beginning of the evening to a fortune of well over $25-30 by the end of the night. It was so bad i literally starting throwing hands. I was dealt three of a kind on the first hand and i literally folded. Tonight was my night.

Tonight was also the night that i told one of my good friends that i will be leaving Key West in a month; heading back to school to get another semester out of the way while the company where i have been working gears up for the launch of its new division.

This was especially sad since this was the first of my new friends i have met here. It set a somber tone for them for the rest of the evening. I promised to keep in touch as best i can while i was gone. Since i will be back in December. Everyone knows that when someone you care for leaves it is always a little painful.

I will greatly miss all the friends that i have made down here. I will not say their names to protect them but if any of them stumble upon this post i was you to know that you are dear to me. It is hard to find such good friends.

There And Back Again

After a lengthy discussion with my boss yesterday afternoon, we have come to a mutual agreement that at this point it is not in my best interest to stay on full time for his company. This is both a huge relief for me as I now have some direction for the first time all summer. Not knowing if I was coming or going made it difficult to make other decisions about long term plans.

It is also a great disappointment seeing as how I am just starting to get comfortable with the area and starting to get into a good routine. But, c’est la vive.

The good news is that I have a job with this company, they just have nothing for me to do at this instant. With the launch of their new division delayed due to vendor issues their plans have been put on hold for the time being. However, i have been assured that by December the position will be required and at a much higher pay scale than could be offered now. This means that i can go to work for them now and make less than if i were to come back in December. So i will bide my time and get another semester of school under my belt and then see what happens.

One last thought. What do you do when a friend is so upset about something that they have buried the problem deep within themselves and as it festers within their psyche, making them so unhappy yet will not admit to it?

Conscious Unconsciousness

I have been having the strangest dreams lately. They are so vivid and profound that I can still remember most of them. I remember waking up from one dream convinced it was Saturday when in fact it was only Friday. I know, big difference, but still it was very unsettling. I had never had a premonition type dream before. As I reflected back on it now, days later, it still gives me a shiver. It wasn’t necessarily a bad dream, however, it left me with a strange feeling that I still cannot describe.

Another dream I had just the other day involved a new friend that I had just met about a month and a half ago. We have been out on a few dates, and one thing lead to another and well, you get the picture. However lately we have not seen each other very much at all and I have really started to miss this person. Anyways, back to the dream, sigh. This one was even more potent than my future dream. I dreamed that we were in a truck and were driving somewhere. We were talking about relationships and such and how we felt about each other.

It was about this time that the truck came to a stop in front of a subdivision, apparently where I was going. As I got out of the car they told me that it would not work and that we shouldn’t see one another anymore.

I was completely devastated. I could feel my eyes welling up with tears as I ran from the truck which I noticed had a logo of some company printed on it. It reminded me of a construction or grounds keeping company. This is also strange as the person whom I was with is actually a very intelligent customer service manager for a local hotel.

I ran into what I recognized was a partial recreation of my old apartment in Grand Rapids as well as parts of a friends apartment. Strange, that I would see such images of both apartments together. I can only assume it was meant to represent a safe place as I loved both my apartment and my friend’s apartment when I lived up there.

I collapsed onto the floor by the couch in the living room and began to cry wondering first how I got myself into this mess and second, how dare they not find me attractive enough to pursue a relationship with. It was a selfish thing to think but I didn’t care, I was writhing in agony.

Suddenly I realized I wasn’t alone. An old friend kneeled down beside me and gave me a hug and told me it would be ok. She spoke to me in a calm soothing tone that seemed to help pull me together. I remember thinking that I am so lucky to have good friends.

I woke up at that point with tears running down my face and soaking into my pillow. I have not had a dream that shocking or vivid in a very long time. I was stunned that it was so emotionally charged that it carried over into the waking world.

Lying in bed for several minutes, I was stunned by what had just happened. I think it was soon after this experience that I realized that I was doing too much, too quickly. I am in the process of completely changing my life. I am transitioning from a purely school and academic environment to real life career and its scary. I am making new friends and exploring relationships far more quickly than I had in the past and all of these things coming together at once are really taking a toll on my psyche. My dreams must be telling me something. They are so vivid and memorable possibly because I am dealing with so much in real life that that my subconscious is trying to tell me that enough is enough and to take it easy for a while and let the rest of my mind catch up with my body.

If you guys are interested in hearing more about my dreams let me know, there have been a number of them that I might be persuaded to share for your analysis. Maybe getting some perspective on these dreams will help me make sense of them.

The Sign

There are decisions that need to be made at this point. I need to know what my future in Key West will be. However, until I have certainty of that future I have no choice but to continue on the path of least risk.

I am aware that life is a risk. However, when it comes to major life decisions I prefer to mitigate risk as much as possible in order to find the best possible solution. I will not accept only but the smallest risk of failure possible to achieve my goal.

Some may think that this sounds like a terribly boring way to live ones life, but I must disagree. I have been known to take plenty of risks in my day. I took a risk moving to Dearborn and living with friends while I worked as a contractor at Ford. The risk was acceptable and I felt that the experience I gained was invaluable.

What I will not accept is a promise of success that is based on a possibility. It would be like building a foundation on clay.

As of today I will be signing up for classes and preparing my financial aid forms. I will need to spend a few hours getting my tax information printed out and sent in to student services.

After I take care of my aid for next year I will need to spend some time with my advisor talking about which classes I can still get into.

Ambiguously Boolean

Time is starting to slip away from me. The internship is already two thirds over, I am amazed how fast time has started to move. The days are starting to blend together into weeks. Over two months have passed since i arrived on the island.

At first i remember the days were very long. They were not boring by any means, but they seemed to be much more distinct. I remember my first day of work. I walked in and went to my desk, sat down, and thought to myself, “ok, what now?”. I remember opening in my journal for the first time and starting to write down things that i should look at, ways to organize and procedures to which I should start to follow.

Looking back on the past few months i realize just how much i have experienced in such a short period of time. I've spent years acquiring the cold facts and theories that make up the structure of IT in college; like a hard line drawn in a sketch. Yet, what i am beginning to understand now is the “art” of putting this practical knowledge to use in a creative way to solve a problem. To fallow the analogy, it would be taking the hard lines of a sketch and using your thumb to blur the lines to form shadow and give depth and substance to an image.

I have a new goal, to be an artist, and my medium will be technology.

The path is still unclear, however. At what point is it, that the academic give way to the practical? I wonder if I have the foundation with which to build a successful career. And if not, will i have the patience to continue in academia and complete my schooling. Will it matter?

The Mixer

After work today I attended a mixer, basically a mixer is a fancy word for a party that usually occurs shortly after business hours where professionals and business owners get together to network, schmooze, gossip, wheel, and of course deal. It is an excellent way for new businesses and owners to get their name out into the community and to drum up new clients.

Today, thank god, the mixer was held at a bar just off Truman called Inkahoots. My boss usually doesn't like to go to these sorts of events because most of the business owners are clients of our company and they always have questions or want something changed and it ends up turning into a big pain in the ass, as my boss put it.

The turnout was surprisingly good, probably because the bar was air conditioned. Thats important this time of year. Its hot, damn hot! And with little to no wind and an above average humidity. You can bet i wasn't sure.

At the end of the mixer there was a raffle. They raffled off dinners from local restaurants and merchandise from some of the local clubs and some gift certificates. The one that I really wanted to win was the 50/50. But alas luck was not on my side.

I had invited a friend of mine to come with me this evening so that i would have someone to talk to. I have a bit of a problem with large groups of people. They make me nervous. So if i can have just one person there that i am comfortable with then it makes the entire process easier. But unfortunately, before i could respond to his text my phone battery ran out. My charger was back at the apartment and the mixer started right after work. Hopefully he wasn't really interested in coming anyways.

Silent But Deadly

Last night after hours, my friend and I set to work reconfiguring our office network. Its IP scheme had to be changed to a non standard private IP range in order to make it easier to integrate our backup internet connection as well as to make it easier to connect our remote offices via VPN.

After setting the new IP and DHCP range in the router we went to all of the servers and static resources and manually set their new IPs. My concern was that there would be a problem with the printers, as all of the desktop machines would have to be updated to reflect the new print server IPs.

Thankfully it was only a minor fix and once I had the routine down the update on each desktop went quickly. All in all in less than two hours the job was done and I sat back to watch the router blink happily in its new configuration.

As of this morning there have been no fires due to our work on the network the previous evening. This to me is the most gratifying part of my work. The users only know that their email and internet work and have no idea that the network had undergone a major reconfiguration and upgrade. Ninja!

Worry Not, young One

This weekend I was finally able to work up the nerve to open my grades from last semester. With so much trauma going on right now I was not about to add to my problems with bad grades.

My mother was actually the one who threatened me with bodily harm if I didn’t open them up and tell her that instant just how brilliant her baby boy was. Mom’s a great aren’t they? And for an instant, I felt like her baby boy again. But then I realized that I had to pay rent and I had a meeting to attend Monday morning first thing. Damn!

I got my grades in the mail from the university almost a month ago. When I saw it sitting on the table of my apartment with the little yellow foreword sticker from the post office all I could think about was the dread of seeing my grades.

Fortunately my grades were not nearly as bad as my sick self-pitying mind made me think. It was stupid to think otherwise, I love what I do and I love my field of study. I have a passion for IT the way Mac folks feel about Apple.

Anyone who doesn’t care about their grades is a prick who either always gets all A’s or has their education paid for. Both of these types of individuals irritate me. Not because I feel inferior to the people who get strait A’s, well maybe a little, and not that I am jealous of those who have rich parents, although I suppose it would be nice to be a trust fund baby. But it’s mainly that I see going to university as a lesson in life. People who don’t take it seriously usually end up hating whatever job they end up getting and just making the rest of us miserable.

Concerning Hobbits

Hobbits, or in this case me, has been attending school at the Ministry of Moral Order (MMO) also known as Grand Valley State University, in my home state of Michigan for what would seem like many thousands of years.

My course of study is in the dark art of Information Technology. Those who choose to study under the banner of the great Paul Leidig, dean of our school, spend countless hours in class learning the subtitle techniques required to bend the minds of the executives to our will so that we will receive more than our fare share of funding for the coming fiscal year. Likewise it is our duty to Sheppard and mobilize the legions of developers under our command to wage holy war against the ever creeping scope of the project. And in the immortal words of the great Professor of Database Administration, Dr. George Nezlek, "The Data Are!".

Nearing the end of my tenure at school, I was tasked with a quest. The quarter beloved, half despised, and the rest confused journey into the sunset. You know of what i speak, those of you who attend university at this very moment. Yes, I mean the one thing that could make or break your love for your chosen field of study. The Internship!

As luck would have it, my best friend from high school had found steady employment at a security company down in Key West, Florida. To my delight it was no more than a year ago this month that he informed me that his company was looking for someone of my schooling to come to work for them. Score, i thought to myself! With little to no work i had snagged a sweet internship.

The months went by and i came down for an "interview" in December for six days to meet the employees and to check out the town. Key West for those who are unfamiliar is a small island no larger than a few square miles at the end of the Florida Keys. It is roughly ninety miles from Cuba and 130 some odd miles to Miami, yeah i thought that it was funny too.

The "interview" was painless and sounded more like a job interview rather than an interview for an interns position. And soon i was back on the plane and headed back to the mid-west. The days continued to fly by as winter gave way to spring and the semester came to a close. With my finals complete i packed up my car and prepared for the adventure before my adventure. You see, I decided to drive the 1800+ miles to Key west in my 1993 Dodge Intrepid. That was probably my first mistake.

Post 0

This is the first post of the first blog. There will always be something to say, because life is always in a state of ambiguity.